Yin Yang

I seek balance.

I seek the day to day balance of juggling the demands of a young brood against the demands of an exciting, challenging job. The balance of living a life of ideals in a world of reality. The balance of nourishing my soul and nourishing my body. The balance of finding laughter in sadness; sun among the clouds; wildflowers among the weeds.

These past few years, life has been a jumble of challenges. During particularly difficult times, I found it necessary to find the good within the bad - a way to balance what at times felt like overwhelming odds against my self worth, my concept of love and trust in my ability to judge and discern.

As I looked for these "silver linings", I slowly and not without some suspicion, began to touch on the concept that balance is not only ideal, but necessary. That by living a life of balance, a person can find true contentment. This is not a new concept -- as my childhood was inundated with the Taoist yin yang, deeply rooted in the Confucius ideals my mother was raised with and consequently sought to raise her children with -- but it was a concept I fought just as I fought so much my mother tried to teach me.

Yet, I found comfort during difficult times and as a result, it became my "religion", for I have been without religion for many, many years. It became a rope-hold for my children, whose father declares God to be non-existent and whose mother struggled with the vagueness of being a non-believing Christian. It was a foundation I could build on, to give body to my decisions, to comfort my wounds and to give answers to the questions that inevitably come up.

To feel true happiness, you must feel deep sadness; to appreciate a meal, you must know gnawing hunger; to care for your health, you must experience illness; to savor love, you must nurse a broken heart; to embrace life, you must mourn the dead.

So, as I seek this balance, I do so with an understanding that it is a life-long journey of paths and bridges and pauses along the way. I seek balance with the hope that I am creating a life of harmony filled with love and laughter. I seek balance to help me accept the pain of loss and sorrow. I seek balance knowing that all of this is fleeting, even temporary, so I must be present and accepting in my happiness for eventually the sadness will come and when the sadness comes, I know that it is only a matter of time before the sun shines again.